At lunch today I was a bit nostalgic so I started musing over the nature of the relationships in my life and naturally that brought me to thinking about my friends. You can see a few of them in the photo here... but its far from representative, I have many good friends not in the photo.
If you listen to mainstream psychology, oprah, and most media in general, you'll hear that friends are something to cherish. You'll also hear that you have to be a good friend to have good friends. I agree with them up to that point.
Most will also say that if your friends should reflect who you are, and that if you have friends with too many problems, or requiring too much maintenance you should probably cut them loose. This is where I tend to diverge, but I'll go ahead and lay out the mainstream view first.
Wealthy people have wealthy friends, people of faith tend to maintain friends who also share their spiritual views, which may make their faith stronger. People naturally gravitate towards one another when they share a lot of common views and principles, not to mention similar lifestyles and vantage points.
According to the popular line of thought, one of the best things you could do to improve your own situation, is to cultivate friendships with people that you want to be more like, or with people that bring positive insights, influence or energy into your life. Again, they're basically correct.
Now its my turn.
I generally ignore the advice listed above, even though it is essentially correct. I don't do this for purely emotional reasons, although I never really reasoned it out before today. As an only child, I was given to very strong friendships since the very beginning, perhaps to make up for my own lack of siblings. So much so, that most of my 'friends' would probably fall under the category of what some people consider family.
By that I mean that my friends definitely cross into the boundaries of my life that many would only consider allowing to their families. A lot of my friends are from my early years, if not from my early childhood as well. As such, I"ve grown with them, shared many embarassing experiences, shown them my darker side, cried with them, fought with them... etc...
The degree of trust that comes from such deep roots goes beyond the conventional meaning of trust. I don't just trust them not to steal my money, or lie to me, or say something I might not like to hear when I'm not around. In fact, my trust with my friends doesn't pertain to those things at all, they're human. I wouldn't doubt I've had a friend borrow a few dollars from me (although its fairly unlikely). I'd find it impossible to believe many of them hadn't lied to me at some point.
Truth is, those things aren't that important to me. I've gotten more money from friends, than I ever lost. I expect my friends to be tactful and tell me I look good sometimes even if I don't. And the occasional gossip that permeates human society doesn't bother me a bit.
The trust I have in my friends is quite different. Its more like the sort of trust you'd find in a mafia family I suppose. I believe that almost no matter what sort of crime I committed (if I were a criminal), I could tell almost any friend I know, and they'd keep it to themselves. Most of them would lie for me, if I asked, and some would go so far as to become accomplices to protect me if necessary.
Each of my friends is different, they have their own strengths and weaknesses, some are brave, some are not. Some are highly intelligent, some are more ordinary. Some are close to saintly, others are darker, and one of my best friends (now departed) was a desperate drug addict.
Supposing I had a great and pressing need, I could depend on any of them to support me, according to their abilities and situations. Most of them have families, and we all have many relationships in our lives, so I wouldn't ask things of them that they'd be unwilling to give anyway.
But if I had committed some great crime, robbed a bank, embezzled millions, or gone nuts one day and murdered someone, I suspect that most of them, would at the very least, keep mum, if not help me. Before continuing though, I like to say if I did have some huge problem like that I'd avoid involving most of them Anyway.. all that was hypothetical.
The point I'm making is this, I work in a highly professional place, surrounded by smart, upstanding, people of great integrity. Although I suppose many would consider them 'friends', I think of them more like close acquaintances. Relative to my long term friendships... well that's what they are. They're just the sort of people that Dr. Phil would probably encourage me to spend all my time with.
But I don't care, they wouldn't take a bullet for me, and most of the people I call friends probably would.
So I have a group of friends that many would call eclectic, weird, or in some cases insane (see above image right side). The picture above doesn't even do justice to how many friends I have, there are many more.
I measure my wealth by the depth of my friendships, not by the wealth or even the character of my friends. I think few people have been as blessed as I have, to have so many close friends, and for that I'm grateful.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
The Sands of Time
The sands of time hold still for no man. They move on whether we watch or not... rolling on into the distance, moving with the wind and water, ever changing and yet changeless.
Close your eyes and feel the air move across your cheek. Breath in, breath out, patterns against your eyelids make a contrast against the quiet dark. No matter how still, there is always movement, a constant beat as life goes on.
Focusing your eyes the imagery of the world seems stark and surreal. Have you opened your eyes or gone to sleep? Is there a difference? Through the stories of time, the images of living, the sounds of the world a constant backdrop... what is real and what imagined? Should we care?
Close your eyes and feel the air move across your cheek. Breath in, breath out, patterns against your eyelids make a contrast against the quiet dark. No matter how still, there is always movement, a constant beat as life goes on.
Focusing your eyes the imagery of the world seems stark and surreal. Have you opened your eyes or gone to sleep? Is there a difference? Through the stories of time, the images of living, the sounds of the world a constant backdrop... what is real and what imagined? Should we care?
Monday, March 16, 2009
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Haircut
In many homes this is an old tradition. Back in the day most families got their haircuts from Mom.
Donna got the bug and decided to save us a little money by doing haircuts for the kids, and I must say, she did a darn good job. Our little man looks better than ever.
Donna got the bug and decided to save us a little money by doing haircuts for the kids, and I must say, she did a darn good job. Our little man looks better than ever.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
A Dog's Life
I posted this in gigantic size so that you can clearly see the 'Snackin' Slices', artfully posed in front of our dog Charley here.
Yesterday I was sick, and Donna went to Conroe to pick up some things for the dogs. While she was there I got hungry and started thinking about soup. We didn't really have any soup left in our own pantry so I called her on the phone.
"Sure thing sweetie!", she said as she hung up.
Since she was in Target when I called she got the soup there. It wasn't the exact sort I wanted, but hey at least I got soup right? I was happy just to have soup.
Until today.
I saw what the dogs got. Stacks of some sort of custom soft dogfood, "It was on sale!", she told me when I noticed.
"But I wanted Chicken and Rice soup and I got noodles, and you only got me 4 cans!", I whined. "The dogs got 16 cans!"
"They didn't have chicken and rice soup at Target, and you're not seriously jealous of dogfood are you?" She's grinning at me now.
You drove 30 miles to a specialty pet store to get their food. I thought to myself jealously. But oh well... she's right... its silly to worry about pet food.
Half an hour later, I wander into the kitchen... and there I see what appears to be a bag of dried fruit! "Oooooohhh!" I coo happily to myself. "That sounds just peachy!" I picked up the bag, but to my chagrin, it was a bag of some other sort of special dog chew treats (see picture above).
"Honey!!!!!!"
The Silence of the Night
The silence of the night,
My beckon and my call,
To the loneliness inside me,
That consumes my heart, my all.
Why this pang inside of me,
For my friends so dear?
But now they're all asleep,
I am alone here.
To await the morning dawn,
When again they'll rejoin me,
And all of this long nightmare,
Will be just a memory.
Oh why this pang inside of me?
I wrote this at the age of about 12. It was the second poem I wrote, the first was lost and I'm only able to recall a few lines of it.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
High School Reunion
This is a shot of me at the reunion. I stole it from a facebook album of one of the other classmates, Allisa Benson. She's not in the picture though.
You can see my childhood friend Chad to my right, then the lovely Roberta, and another longtime schoolmate and friend, Brad on the far right.
I think its one of my favorite pictures of the evening, as it shows me with the people I talked to the most at the reunion. I get a good feeling looking at it, I guess because I really like all the people in it.
Its rather odd though, I've hardly spoken to Brad or Roberta since High School (I still see Chad regularly). Even so I feel very close to them now, moreso even than when we were classmates.
I think that's because they've developed in ways that set them apart. They're both liberal thinking, and open minded. I hope they keep doing well in the next decades.
You can see my childhood friend Chad to my right, then the lovely Roberta, and another longtime schoolmate and friend, Brad on the far right.
I think its one of my favorite pictures of the evening, as it shows me with the people I talked to the most at the reunion. I get a good feeling looking at it, I guess because I really like all the people in it.
Its rather odd though, I've hardly spoken to Brad or Roberta since High School (I still see Chad regularly). Even so I feel very close to them now, moreso even than when we were classmates.
I think that's because they've developed in ways that set them apart. They're both liberal thinking, and open minded. I hope they keep doing well in the next decades.
Rocky Terrain
After our trip to the Rose Emporium we stopped at this nice rock formation on the road back. Its actually a spot where they cut through a hill to make a road.. thus exposing the bedrock and creating a cliff-like area.
Donna stopped for pictures, the kids and I went for the climbing. We climbed up to the top in several places, and took a few top down shots. It really was the favorite part of the day for me as I love clmbing things.
However it ended on a dark note.
Donna had brought one of her Blythe dolls. I wound up being forced to hold it in the air for several minutes while she took pictures. I was able to amuse myself though, by yelling to all the passing cars that they should bow down and worship, "Blythe, the Queen of the Damned."
Donna stopped for pictures, the kids and I went for the climbing. We climbed up to the top in several places, and took a few top down shots. It really was the favorite part of the day for me as I love clmbing things.
However it ended on a dark note.
Donna had brought one of her Blythe dolls. I wound up being forced to hold it in the air for several minutes while she took pictures. I was able to amuse myself though, by yelling to all the passing cars that they should bow down and worship, "Blythe, the Queen of the Damned."
Through a Child's Eye
There's our little shutterbug. My son Matthew is picking up some of his mother's love of photography. We took a trip recently to the Rose Emporium near Brenham, Texas, and he had a good time taking pictures with this little camera.
We had an extra so he got to have his own the entire time we were there. I think that helped a lot because it gave him time to think and consider his shots. From what we've seen of his photos he seems to have a good eye for interesting pictures and lovely shots (like his momma).
I wish they could stay this age forever.
We had an extra so he got to have his own the entire time we were there. I think that helped a lot because it gave him time to think and consider his shots. From what we've seen of his photos he seems to have a good eye for interesting pictures and lovely shots (like his momma).
I wish they could stay this age forever.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
As close as possible!
The Sling-Go Pet Sling! You and your pet together, Anytime, ANYWHERE, FOREVER!!!
This interesting item is not a joke... its real. I encountered it at the gift shop at the Rose Emporium near Brenham, Texas.
Just what I need. Now I can be together with my little rat turd of a longhaired chihauhau anytime, anywhere.... OMG how did I live without it? Probably peacefully and without dreaming about dog stew.
Why I'd want to attach that cancerous bit of furry dog flesh to my hip semi-permanently is a complete mystery to me. Dog people are crazy.
Which reminds me? How did I wind up with three dogs?
This interesting item is not a joke... its real. I encountered it at the gift shop at the Rose Emporium near Brenham, Texas.
Just what I need. Now I can be together with my little rat turd of a longhaired chihauhau anytime, anywhere.... OMG how did I live without it? Probably peacefully and without dreaming about dog stew.
Why I'd want to attach that cancerous bit of furry dog flesh to my hip semi-permanently is a complete mystery to me. Dog people are crazy.
Which reminds me? How did I wind up with three dogs?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)